No concessions.

My brother, Grandma and I were playing Rook and Grandma made some poor playing moves, which led to me winning the round.  John and I were laughing about it and I said, "Grandma made those mistakes because she loves me and she wanted me to win."

Grandma closed her eyes and shook her head as if she had a lemon drop in her mouth to indicate that that was definitely not the case.

Fall Guy

When I was at work on Saturday, G asked Anna to throw away some wilting flowers we had in a vase from the garden.  Anna didn't want to do it right away, so she convinced Grandma that they weren't that bad.

On Sunday, G and Anna went into the living room again and the flowers had turned pretty ugly.  G told Anna, "I wanted to throw those away yesterday, but Esther didn't want to."

I'm so mean.

Tonight is a birthday party for my niece and I had originally planned to make cupcake pops, but after working a 12 hour shift yesterday, I was exhausted and couldn't bring myself to bake.  My sister and I went out and bought ice cream for ice cream sundaes instead--we figure we will torch some bananas (creme brulee style) and let the girls put whipped cream and a cherry on top.

When we told G of the game change she was really upset.  I wish you could have seen the look on her face, just like an angry raisin.  She said those girls will be upset if they don't get cake and,

"You are mean for not giving them cake!  Just mean.  You are mean, mean, mean, mean, mean."

She's pretty crazy!

I've been trying to spend time with Grandma and one of the things we've been doing together is watching documentaries because she loves them and I need them to help me brush up on my lessons.  We are, as you may know, in the middle of Ken Burns' Civil War documentary.  We were watching some 'Civil War' (she says, oh I like Civil War, let's watch that) and the episode described the fate of Mary Todd Lincoln, who died after spending her final years in an insane asylum.

My reaction, "Oh, how sad."

Grandma's reaction, "She was pretty crazy!"

Candy Thief

My niece, Allison, will be turning four this upcoming week and we are having a party for her at Grandma's house on Sunday with a pinata.  I bought candy to fill the pinata, but apparently Grandma can't wait until Sunday.  This is what I saw before I left for work this morning.

Can't even wait for Dum Dums.  And the flavors on the counter are cherry and orange, which means she picked out the good flavors already.

Nail Appointment

Grandma isn't allowed to drive anymore since her second driveway mishap--she backed up over her own walker.  We aren't sure how this happened.  She said it fell out of the car, but we think that would be physically impossible.  All we know is, the smooshed carcass of her walker lays as a cautionary warning in the garage.

She has been going to the same woman for probably two decades or so to get her nails done.  It isn't uncommon for Grandma to forget and Rosie to come over to the house to come get her.  Rosie will bring Grandma home-cooked Chinese food and she will buy her sweaters.  Grandma will give Rosie gift certificates and clothes as well.  I am grateful Grandma has made a friend of her.

Rosie has a thick accent and Grandma is hard of hearing and only uses the speaker phone.  So, both of them have a tough time communicating with each other over the phone.  Here is their latest phone conversation:

Grandma:  Rosie?  ROSIE?

Rosie: Mary? MARY?

Grandma:  Yes, THIS IS MARY!  Can you pick me up tomorrow?

Rosie:  What?

Grandma: Huh?

Rosie:  WHAT?

Grandma: CAN YOU PICK ME UP TOMORROW?

Rosie: Yes, I can pick you up.

Grandma: What?

Rosie: YES, I CAN PICK YOU UP.

Grandma:  GOOD, IS 10 OK?

Rosie:  Can you hold off until 11?

Grandma:  What?

Rosie:  CAN YOU WAIT UNTIL 11?

Grandma:  That's fine.  But you can pick me up right?

Rosie:  Yes, I'll see you tomorrow.

Grandma:  And you are going to pick me up right?

Rosie:  Yes, I'll come over then.

Grandma:  Ok, goodbye.

Rosie:  Ok---click.

Hook it Up

We came back from lunch and stopped to get Grandma some fuel for her car.  As I was filling up the tank, she looked longingly inside the store, so Anna asked her if she wanted anything.

"Yes.  Just get me something to suck on."

She handed Anna $0 .75 and I told her she wasn't going to get anything really big for that much money.  Anna told her we'd put the word out on the street for her.

Mad-dogger

This was a National Geographic picture of the day this week and Anna and I both had the same thought.  This is the look that Grandma gives me when she wants to indicate her displeasure with me.  She can mad-dog me for twenty minutes at a time.  It's awesome.

Apology

Part I:

I was sitting on the couch with my sewing and Grandma wheels up to me with gravity.  "Esther, I owe you an apology."

"What for?  I don't think you owe me any apologies."

"Hold on, I have to go pee."

Part II:

Thirty minutes later, Grandma threw a twenty dollar bill at me.  "There that's for you."

"What for?  You don't owe me anything."

"Now I know you told me that they don't make socks any bigger than the ones you bought me, but I wasn't listening to you, so here's the money for the socks you bought me."

I bought her said socks over two months ago and at the time she hadn't even looked at them before complaining about them.  I don't know what made her think of them yesterday.

Ken Burns groupie.

I've been watching the Ken Burns Civil War documentary series all week to kind of prep for some lessons coming up and G has really enjoyed watching them with me.  We watched two episodes yesterday, which is a lot of blood and carnage to take in for one day.  When the second one ended, she said, are we going to watch another one?  It was already near 9pm and I said, "Don't you think we've watched enough Civil War today?  I think two episodes is enough for one day."

"Well then, I guess I'll just sit here until my bedtime."

Bus Driver

Ok, Grandma.  I'm tired of being thrown under the bus with your friends.  You keep telling them you don't have food in the house and that your selfish spoiled grand-daughters won't cook for you or go to the store for you.  Anna and I both go to the store at least twice a week to keep you supplied, plus we cook at least three times a week for dinner in addition to taking you out to dinner at least once a week.

Last night your friend came over with groceries and I was home.  It made me look like a lazy brat who won't even get you food.

Church

Grandma's friend called her this evening and this is how their conversation went:

Carla: I slept in and missed church; I can't believe my alarm clock didn't go off.  Anything exciting happen?

Grandma: No.  Oh, Max Smart died.

Carla: He did?

Grandma: Yes.  He was 100.

Carla:  Oh.  I never liked him.

Grandma:  No, me neither.  It's a good thing he died.

Carla: Yeah, he sure pinched his pennies.

Grandma: Oh, he was terrible, he was really tight.

Carla: He's just stinky.

Grandma:  Good riddance.

Carla: Bob will be glad to hear it, he didn't like him.

Mouth-breather

I got an email from my older sister this morning:

Grandma has been farting all morning and the entire house is uninhabitable. I was studying at the dining room table and she was just standing there next to me for 10 minutes waiting for her ride to tea to pull up in the driveway. Her parting shot hit me like a punch in the face.


I'm off to mail Katy her care package.

The Kiss that Kills

Anna, G, and I have been watching Downton Abbey on my Netflix and we've really been enjoying it.  One of the characters in the show had a bit of a scandalous moment where the man who came in to pay her a visit died in her bed.  Anna and I were laughing when Anna said, "How many men have died after their last kiss with you, Grandma?"

What you need to know here is the answer is three, that we know of.  When she was 18, a boy she kissed then went and got electrocuted the next day or something near there.  When she was in her early 20s, a boyfriend she kissed went off to WWII and was killed.  And then there is Grandpa, and she's the last person he kissed, for sure.

Grandma's response, "Oh shut up."

Nutrition

Ok, Grandma.  I know you are constantly harping on how you don't get enough nutrition, but could you please stop putting left-over salads in the fridge that you know you won't eat because they don't have any sugar in them?  I just pulled out five different containers from the fridge with fermenting and moldy avocado, cauliflower, jicama, cabbage, and what used to be lettuce.

Run for the Border

Grandma went to the doctor again today and she was cleared on all worries about her mental state.  Plus, she doesn't have any bed-sores and her blood-work is normal, for her.  Anna was nice enough to take her around today and offered to drive Grandma to get some dinner after all the testing was over.  Anna said they were driving for an hour and a half because Grandma kept changing her mind.  When they arrived at the place Grandma finally settled on, it was closed, so Grandma wanted Anna to drive back to downtown Sacramento to her favorite restaurant, Danielle's.

Anna and Grandma came home with Taco Bell.

Heart-wrenching.

Grandma had a marathon day of doctor visits to go over the million issues she's dealing with.  She told me she thinks she shouldn't drive anymore.  This is another freedom she is abdicating.  Each one is a fight as she doesn't want to give anything up.  But, I can see why losing her independence is so awful for her.  We think she is going to hire someone to come in and drive her around a couple times a week.

My mom was with her all day and as my mom was leaving tonight Grandma looked up at her and said in the smallest voice, "Am I going to be ok?"

Stressful day.

I came home after working a 12-hour shift for the second day in a row and Grandma asked me how I was.  "Tired, but ok."

With not even a breath taking place after my comment, she says, "Well my day was terrible.  I overslept and didn't wake up until 9:30."

"Sounds awful."

Sweet as sugar

I was at the dinner table with my brother and Grandma came in and was staring at us.  "Do you want to play Yahtzee with us, Grandma?"

"No, I don't."

"Do you want to sit down and say nice things about me, Grandma?"

Long pause.  "No."

Dress Code

I attended my first staff meeting at the middle school I am student teaching at this week and I noticed all the women had ridiculously high necklines.  The shirt I was wearing has a standard neckline, but shows some slight cleavage due to circumstances out of my control.  I mentioned the neckline to Grandma before dinner and how surprised I was by how all the women were wearing turtle-neck standard necklines.

She kept staring at me during dinner and right before I went to bed, she called me over to her, "Esther, I wouldn't wear that shirt to school anymore."

"Ok, Grandma, let's not talk about my boobs anymore."

Happy 88th Birthday, Grandma

Grandma has a good friend, Carmelina, who is a superb chef and makes the absolute best chocolate truffles and mails Grandma a tin of them every Christmas.  Grandma got a package from Carmelina for her birthday and was disappointed when she learned the home-made truffles weren't in there.  Carmelina had packed a whole tin of pastries (that her husband spends three days on) and a pound of See's chocolate truffles.

With a pouty face, Grandma announced, "Well, she didn't send me truffles, oh well."