Exercise

Since G has been wheelchair bound, a physical therapist has told her she has to up her exercises (as a life time fat lady, that would be from doing no exercise at all) to three times a day with great intensity so she doesn't lose the ability to walk by the time her feet heal.  She tried to fire the physical therapist and told Anna she didn't want to do what he said.  Anna had to yell at her to get her to realize that if she doesn't do her exercises, she will likely never walk again and will have to go into a home.

When I came home tonight Anna initiated her third session for the day and Anna was stern about the intensity G was putting into it.  She told G she wasn't working hard enough and G mad-dogged Anna for the entire workout.

Uggo

Anna has been mulling over the idea of getting a puppy to try to keep G company during the day.  Grandma has been very opinionated in saying she doesn't want a puppy.  Anna teases her every now and then, "Well, when we get the puppy you are going to love it so much."

"No!  No dogs!"

Anna and I were picking something up for G when we saw a vending machine that said, "Adopt a Puppy!"  We bought a little rubber puppy for $0.75 and got to the car and told G we saw a puppy adoption sign in the store and bought a puppy.

"No, no dogs!  No puppies!"

Anna showed her the little puppy, "But Grandma, I love him.  His name is Uggo.  Can we please keep him?"

"No, he's ugly.  No dogs!"

Anna and G have been teasing each other about Uggo and now I think Uggo is Grandma's favorite thing in the house.  Anna told G to say goodbye to Uggo the other day.

"Ok, Ooogo, goodbye!"

"It's Uggo, Grandma."

She patted the dog on the head three times and kissed it, "Uggo, Uggo, Uggo."

When my niece came over, Grandma was very clear she could not take Uggo home.

Disappointment

I came home yesterday and chatted with G for a bit and told her I would make her some gnocchi for dinner.  "That would be nice."  That sentence means, 'yes, that is what I want and I want it as soon as possible.'

I made her gnocchi and made sure she had plenty of veggies on her plate--which she barely touched.  She looked at her dinner, frowned, and said, "I thought you were going to make the cream sauce."

"Well, I can make that another night, tonight I made the marinara sauce."

"Oh.  I was really looking forward to the cream sauce."

Emergency Room Fun

G went to the ER yesterday because of an infection in her heels so that she could get an IV of antibiotics.  It went pretty well and was probably our shortest ER visit yet.  When we were at the discharge desk, there was some confusion over which doctor had treated her and Grandma starts rambling off all the doctors that she sees (and that is a considerable list of people in charge of keeping her alive).  She was confusing the nurse, so Anna scolded her, "Grandma, be quiet.  You are confusing the nurse!"

In the cutest way possible, G lowered her head like a scolded puppy.  I love it when Anna and I take Grandma out--it's like taking a three-year old out of the house that we are in charge of.

As a reward for her patience in the ER (and we have to bribe her with treats to get her to eat her real food), we took her to Leatherby's for her favorite ice cream shake and a sandwich.  When we brought the food to the car, she says, "Give me my shake!  I want my shake!"

Limitations

Grandma has recently been made wheelchair bound and mostly bed bound now because of the ulcers on her heels.  She is instructed to keep her feet up all day and avoid walking as much as possible.  Anna and I were eating dinner with G on her first day in the chair and Grandma kept saying things like, "I need to be able to walk and be independent."

Anna told her those were unrealistic expectations.  "Grandma, I can't need to be in a size four dress, because it is never going to happen."

Grandma responded, "That's true for Esther too."

She waited a full minute and finished the sentence, "you know, with her needing to finish school sooner and stuff."

Yeah, uh huh, I'm sure that's what you meant, Grandma.

Now!

Grandma wheeled over to Anna and me, "Now, I need to teach you how to use the dryer.  You need to turn the knob to the top after turning it around."

Anna: "I know how to use the dryer."

Grandma: "You aren't doing it right.  If you did it correctly, you wouldn't need more than one round to dry your clothes."

Anna: "I know how to use the dryer."

Grandma: "No you don't, come here and I'll show you how to use it."

Anna: "No, I know how to use the dryer."

Grandma: "No, you come here right now! 

Anna: "No."

Grandma: "Yes! You come here and I will show you!  Now!"

Anna: "No."

Grandma: "Fine!  You dry your clothes the way you want to!"

Esther:  "I'm not getting in the middle of this."

Morning Routine

Due to G's heel sores, Anna has generously made arrangements to go into work late and come home at lunch so she can help dress the wounds on G's feet.  Here is how her first morning went:

Anna helps G take a shower and gets her all dried off and clad in undergarments.  G lays on the bed while Anna wraps up her feet in bandages.  Anna puts the complicated boots on and then realizes she forgot to put pants on Grandma.

"Grandma, what do you think about wearing a skirt today?"

"Oh no, I can't wear a skirt.  I need pants."

Anna takes off the boots, puts on G's pants and re-fastens the boots.

"Ok, Grandma, what shirt do you want to wear today?"

"I need to wear a shirt."

"Yes, what shirt do you want to wear?"

"I don't know.  I need to wear a shirt."

"How about the gray one?"

"No..."

"How about the blue one?"

"No..."

"Which one do you want to wear?"

"I don't know.  I need to wear a shirt."

By this time Anna is out of patience and is cussing at Grandma, but Grandma keeps stalling because she knows it's the end of the routine and Anna has to go soon and she still wants Anna around, even if she is pissed.

"Ok, Grandma, you will wear this red shirt and you will like it."

Just like the mother of a toddler, she thrusts the shirt over G's head and pulls her arms into the sleeves.

I can imagine this is what the scene looked like.

Besieged

I have a million homework assignments to finish tonight and my family came over for their weekly dinner gathering.  My brother pulled me into the office to show me something he was interested in and before I could get out and get back to my room, Grandma came in.

Now, Grandma walks with an industrial sized maroon walker with fancy wheels and seating arrangements.  She also recently disobeyed Anna by trying a new pair of shoes, which caused her to develop ulcers on her heels.  So now, she is wearing these orthopedic boots that look like a cross between Uggs and a jock strap.  She stood there for at least twenty minutes complaining about the boots.

I told Anna I needed to leave and work on my homework, and we were cracking each other up because I knew Grandma would block the doorway for another twenty minutes.

She then asked Anna if she should take a shower.  She stood there for another twenty minutes and debated the pros, cons and process with Anna.  By this time Anna and I were in tears laughing because I just needed Grandma to move so I could get out.  She finally got out of the doorway and parked in front of my room.  "Am I out of your way yet?"

"Almost."

Swallowing Problem

Grandma started her nutritional temper tantrum by complaining that she isn't getting enough nutrition and that she needs to eat more vegetables.  So, Anna and I always make sure there are fruits and vegetables and salads ready to eat.

Once she realized we expect her to eat these vegetables, she started saying she is having trouble swallowing.  But her problem is pretty selective.  I brought home some Marie Callender's pie and dinner for her.  She trotted right over to the pie and ate the whole slice, along with the cornbread with honey butter.  The she said she couldn't swallow anymore.

I'm not stupid, Grandma.  You have no problem eating sugar and cream based dishes, but vegetables cause you problems.  I get it.  But you don't need to tell me you can't swallow something and go through this whole ridiculous act of coughing and moaning about how you can't eat.  You had no trouble with that sweet and sour pork the other night, but the soup gave you trouble.  You aren't fooling anyone.

Bok Choy

I try to make sure G has dinner every night, since she pretty much has given up on feeding herself.  I came home before class and was rushing to get a plate put together for her.  I made her balsamic rosemary chicken, roasted garlic and lemon green beans, a baked sweet potato and some of my tomato basil soup.  She wheels into the kitchen and sees me plating her food and she says, "Oh, there is some bok choy in the fridge, you should make that.  I want to eat some bok choy."

"I'm not making you bok choy.  You can eat this if you like or throw it away and make yourself bok choy.  But, I have to get to class."

"Oh alright, I'll eat your food."

The next day I came home from work and she said, "I had the bok choy for lunch, and it was de-licious."

Friday Night Dinner

Grandma has been complaining that she can't swallow for the past several weeks.  Interestingly enough, though, if I buy her marshmallow eggs or creme brulee, she has no trouble with those.

6:30 pm: Anna and I ask G to come to dinner with us, but she complains that she can't swallow and that we may as well leave her at home, where she will try to get some water down.  As she protests for twenty minutes,  and makes groaning noises that she can't swallow, she moves closer to the door and has Anna put on her coat for her.  

7:20: We get to the restaurant and they must have been expecting us because they had a huge jar full of dum-dums.  I gave a butterscotch one to G and she popped it in her mouth and wouldn't take it out until her dinner arrived.  Even when she ordered her food, she had it in her mouth.

7:40:  She insisted she wouldn't be able to get any food down and ordered soup and started coughing after the first bite.  But, when I gave her a lot of my lobster ravioli, she ate every bite.  Plus she ate at least three pieces of bread with olive oil and balsamic dipping sauce.  But she wouldn't touch the soup after the first bite.

8:30:  Anna ordered dessert for Grandma and Grandma gave her the dirtiest look--one that she usually reserves for me.  But when dessert arrived, she ate the whole thing and part of mine as well.  After dessert, Grandma snagged five more dum-dums on the way out.

All in all, Grandma's "swallowing" problem mostly seemed to be a reason to be picky about her food.  And I got to enjoy an evening where she didn't like Anna and I could do nothing wrong.  It was fun.

Fake-Out

I have classes on Monday and Tuesday evenings from 6-8:30pm and Grandma and Anna know not to bug me when I'm in class (the classes are via web-conference) unless it's an emergency.  Anna came in on Tuesday and motioned for me to come out of the room.  I asked, "Are you sure?"  And she motioned again with some urgency.  About 500 dire possibilities came to mind--all of them having to do with Grandma and her health, or lack thereof.  I stood up and asked her what was wrong.

"Want to watch Game of Thrones with me?"

Really?

Nosebleed

The weather has been very dry here lately and G got a nosebleed the other night.  Anna gave her a tissue and once part of it had become soaked, G tried to rotate it, so as to use all the tissue.  Anna handed here a new tissue and said, "Here, treat yourself."

Flashback: Pride and Prejudice

Years ago G was watching the five hour A&E version of Pride and Prejudice with the family.  And it really is the only acceptable version.  You have to watch until the last or second to last video I think for a scene to come up where the character, Mr. Darcy, decides to go swimming.

Well, Mr. Darcy starts to take off his clothes and G was laying in her chair with her hands and feet waving in the air, "Take it off!!  Take it off!!"

So cute.

Wolf!

Grandma was yelling at the top of her lungs this morning (while I was at work), "Anna!  Anna!  Anna!"  She kept yelling and Anna got into G's room and asked her what was wrong.  She calmly showed Anna a sore on her foot and asked her if she thought it was getting worse.

Anna rubs G's feet every night and sees her feet every night.  I don't know the rush to have Anna see it since she had just seen it last night.  Plus, if Grandma starts yelling like that every time she wants attention, we aren't going to know when a real emergency is taking place.

Cream Brulee

My Grandmother's favorite dessert is creme brulee, but she pronounces it, "Cream Brulee."  I brought some home for her tonight because I know she loves it.  I had also bought all the ingredients to make one of her favorite soups--Tomato Basil.  I told her I was making the soup and offered to make her an artichoke and grilled cheese sandwich to go with it.  She wrinkled her nose and said, "I had soup for lunch."

Even though I had told her I brought her creme brulee when I got home, Anna carried it into her after dinner and said, "I brought you creme brulee, aren't I a good person?"

"Oh yes, you are a good person."