Phone Problems

"Esther, come here for a minute."

This has always been the command before a never-ending and exhausting task.  She said that before I helped her clean out the garage after Grandpa died.  She said that before she had me spend two days weeding her bank.  She said that before we spent six hours cleaning the light fixtures in her home which ended up in us cussing each other out, as the cleaning of her light fixtures always reduces people to do.

Lately, it has come to mean she will engage you in never ending dialogue about imaginary problems that her brain keeps inventing.

Today she kept pointing behind the phone and saying she needed me to help her figure out her phone coverage and how she thinks her number was taken away.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I tried to keep a straight face and take her seriously.  She's had the same number for probably at least forty years.  Anna asked her, "Grandma, what is your phone number?"

"967-7841."

That is not her number.  At all.  And from what I can remember, it never has been.  She kept pointing behind the phone as if something was physically there to explain the whole problem.  Anna and I kept explaining she has the same number and she hasn't lost any coverage.

After about 45 minutes, I finally had to kiss her on the head, turn Law and Order: SVU on and leave the room.

Liar

Monday night is the night G has a meeting with her church friends to talk about a book or pre-determined topic.  Lately she has been avoiding going because she feels embarrassed about losing some of her mental faculties. Last night she told her helper that Myrna had cancelled the meeting this week.  Anna didn't believe her and called another group member who said it was still on at his house.  So Anna told her she had to go and be with her friends.  G called Anna a liar and started dragging her feet as Sulita started to wheel her out.

G: "How did you find out it is still on?"

Anna: "Alan Peterson said he's having it at his house."

G: "Did he call you or did you call him?"

Anna: "I called him."

G: "Darn you."

Clothes

G has always been sort of free with her body when we've always been more modest.  When we were kids she couldn't understand why we were so shy to change around each other.  "Oh you girls are just a bunch of prudes!"

Yesterday she walked up to Anna and asked, "Why do you have me in all these clothes?  Do I really need to be wearing all these clothes?"

"Yes, Grandma, you need to wear clothes."

"Well, I don't see why you made me wear a bra to church."

Dancing Grandma

Now that Grandma's extremities are on the mend, we are making her walk more.  Anna got her up from her chair the other night and started dancing with her.  It was the absolute cutest thing I have ever seen.  G was smiling and having a great time and didn't want to stop.

Anna asked her, "So who's your favorite?"

G grinned, "You are!"

Then she noticed I was standing behind them giggling and she said, "...and everyone else too!"

Poor Peaches

G loves it when we play any sort of Mario game on the Wii because she loves Princess Peach.  She will stop whatever she is doing to watch the game and root for Peach.  Watching how much G loves Peach is so much fun.

We were playing Mario Party the other night and we made Peach a computer player.  Peach lost one of the mini-games and G laments, "Poor Peaches."

Pineapple

It was my aunt's birthday the other night and we had pineapple for dessert.  My parents were over for dinner along with my Aunt Jo and Uncle Tom.  I was being really immature and giggling at how much my dad was piling on his plate as one rumor about pineapple is that it is supposed to make semen taste better.

So my brother, sister and I are all laughing because my uncle won't eat any and my aunt and uncle ask us what we are giggling about.  Anna announces, "Pineapple's supposed to make your cum taste better."

Right after Anna, who is sitting right next to G, announces the effects of pineapple, Grandma loudly announces, "Tom, don't you want some pineapple?"

Ti-Ti is mean.

I came home yesterday and sat down with G to ask her how she is doing.

"I can't believe it.  Ti-Ti made me walk all the way from the bathroom to the living room."  G looked as if someone had said the c-word to her or something equally offensive.

We had to push G kicking and screaming, sometimes literally, into going into a wheelchair while her feet heal and now she refuses to walk.

Trust Issues

We took G to a brunch this weekend all the way out in Rocklin.  On the drive out G was freaking out, "Where are you taking me?"

"To brunch, Grandma.  It will be good!"

"We're going too far, let's just go to Marie Callender's."

"No, we're going to Rocklin.  It will be ok."

"I don't want to go to Rocklin."

"Don't you trust us Grandma?"

"Yes."

"Then it will be ok, we are going to take care of you."

"Turn around, I want to go to Marie Callender's."

"Grandma, you said you trusted us."

"Well, I don't anymore."

First Shift

So, G is like an aids patient and has no capability of healing from her wounds because all she eats is sugar and she's ancient.  Tonight, again, she wouldn't eat her dinner, but ate the ice cream i brought home to her, not knowing she didn't eat any dinner.

A few years ago she got this gigantic bed sore on her ass and it was a whole ordeal.  Medicated gauze had to be stuffed in it twice a day and pulled out and cleaned and redressed.  I only did it a few times because I wasn't good enough for her.  She liked Anna better, which is one time that bias has paid off.

We came home today and she developed a level one ulcer on her ass.  We aren't even done getting her feet healed and she's already starting her next year long medical plan of action.  We think she got the sore from sleeping on her back for too long last night, so we are taking two hour shifts to wake her up and make sure she turns over.  It's my shift first.  So, I'm up until midnight.  Yay.

Anna is still the favorite.

Anna is still G's favorite, which I never hope to change.  Life is too fun watching G in her clearly biased opinions.

For my birthday, G not only gave me a card, she also gave Anna a card with cash in it.

I don't want to go to bed.

I feel bad as I was in Vacaville all weekend being overloaded with math, Anna was taking care of G.  By the time I got home Sunday night, she was completely unhinged.  But Anna was still sweet and went to turn down G's bed.  When Anna came back into the room, G had re-made the bed and was smoothing out the comforter.

"Grandma, why are you making the bed?  It's time to get in the bed."

"I don't want to go to bed."

"It's 10:30.  You have to go to bed."

"I don't want to go to bed.  What will I do in here?"

"Well, you can watch TV, eat the snacks hidden in your drawer, read any of the books we put on your Kindle, or you can go to sleep."

"I don't want to go to bed."

"Too bad, it's time to go to bed, I have to get up early in the morning."

"You girls go to bed so early."